it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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