In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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