It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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