i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
