Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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