dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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