think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
