Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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