I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Boobs speak an international language.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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