I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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