I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
