Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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