after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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