I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
