I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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