think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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