Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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