took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
