The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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