at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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