He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
