Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ketchup is God's man juice
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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