If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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