i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
