I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
