I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
