Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
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We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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