Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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