Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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