Non-Jews are for practice
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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