I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached