Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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