you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
