Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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