I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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