but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
