I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
