Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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