I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
false alarm. still invincible.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
