Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
