There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
