no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
