Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Acid is not a monday night drug
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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