My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
