Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
