community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
