I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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