Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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