Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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