so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
