i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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