I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
