Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
