addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
