At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
there's paper in my vomit.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
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That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
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oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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