He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
