party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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