She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
