Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
