Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
