i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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