He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
