it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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