I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
