I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
