I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
