JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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