Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
