You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
