Plan B is the new Plan A
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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