Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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