i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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