is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
