Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
