New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
