Do you still have your period?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
