you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
