Can i not drive my cunt home
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
