I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
