i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
NoShamevember. You game?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
