ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
