You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
