i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
