Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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