i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
