You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
