We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
