I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
