everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
